Thursday, March 1, 2012

Moving Nowhere Slowly. . .

It's been a while.  The truth is, I had hoped we'd be running the halls by now.  I had my hopes too high.  Tray had his hopes to high.  We are nowhere near running and actually, we've begun to stop even walking at this point.  

There is an infection somewhere.  The numbers tell us so.  However, the immune system that we rely upon to point us in the direction of the infection, is now gone.  You and I, we get a red mark, pus, fever, sore spot. . . something, that tells us, this is the spot, here is the place you need to treat.  Trayvon's cells that are responsible for that job, have been destroyed.  So, based on those almighty numbers we rely upon so heavily in the hospital setting. . . we know the infection to be true, but don't know where.

He feels bad.  He hurts.  He's frustrated. He can't sleep and therefore, exhausted. This is what I expected, and yet nothing like I expected.

I am also torn between two worlds. I miss the rest of my family so much. They miss Tray and I as well. I need my husband's loving arms around me, to hug me and tell me all is fine, like he does every time we go through something big. But, they are 4 hours away.

We are suppose to switch this weekend. Peter is coming with a few of the kids and I will drive back after a short visit. Peter's brother, Guy, has graciously agreed to drive with him and I so that I don't have to drive the entire 4 hours back. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not a good long distance driver. LOL

But the thought of leaving Trayvon at such a fragile time is tearing me apart. My mother instincts say that this is where I need to be, but my heart is screaming to see my other kids.

We had counted on the long stay, not the long time of feeling so bad. He had been so vibrant up on the CICU and clearly, something changed the day we moved down here. His demeanor changed, he hurt more, he is sadder, he sleeps less and ate nothing. The eating improved over the past few days, but only because of a threat of a feeding tube. He is eating out of spite, not desire. But, I'll take it.

He is on the cancellation list for tomorrow for a cardiac cath. If there is a cancellation they will take him in, look at his heart, take biopsies. They will also have surgery come and look at his lungs which, on x-ray, are still suffering post surgical trauma. They took a big hit as did his kidneys. Surgery may go in and try to drain and culture the pocket of fluid that continues to hangout in his right lung. They may CT scan his chest and abdomen. However, the contrast from the CT scanner is very hard on kidneys and Tray's are not happy right now, it may tip them the wrong way. Another fine line. They have started antibiotics, but the one that he probably needs is toxic to the kidneys as well. So we wait. We look. And prayerfully, we find the problem and address it head on, with as little intervention and drugs as possible.

If there is no cancellation then he will as scheduled, next week, Wednesday. Unless he looks worse or the numbers dictate otherwise.

So we wait. Based upon the findings in today's labs, the possible catheterization tomorrow and how he looks and feels, we'll make the decision to continue with the planned switching of the guards.
5:30 am, finally asleep and now he needs to awake for a chest x-ray :-(  Not feeling well.

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